Zip zip zip

My mind is going about a bazillion miles an hour right now.

And it's all because there are so many things I want to say and want to write down.

I've noticed that I try to suppress the "real me" on my internet spaces. That is, I don't say every little thing that pops into my head, which is a  problem I have in real life. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes I want to say things with lots of expletives or complain about work or about my family. 

I don't know why the internet seems like the place to go for that. It's dangerous. That complaint that is out there for the rest of eternity once I hit "post". I think that choosing more wisely who I unload on is much more reasonable than putting my angry thoughts out there for the world to see. Even if they are true, or even funny.  Plus, I don't want to offend anybody. If I get pissed at my sister I don't want her to then get angry with me for putting it out on the inter-webs. 

If the internet is going to be the thing that chronicles my life, I should put enough of myself into it that posterity can see the person who I was at any given moment in my life (isn't that scary!?), yet I don't want to be remembered as a negative or angry person. Just real.

These are the things that I want the world to know when they read the back-log of my life:

1. I loved, I lost, and I learned
2. Giving back more than I took out was important to me
3. I am passionate
4. I never wanted to be seen as a failure or a screw up

I have the desire for the world to know who I am and remember me, but I only want them to see and remember the good parts of me.  Which isn't the real me. Which is where this whole blog post started. Conflict.

I'm stuck in a mental circle, and I can't get out.